So Fantastico

GAME OF MOTHERFUCKING THRONES, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Can we talk about this? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS?

Okay, first, Tyrion, my love, moon of my life. How tragic was that scene? How heartbreaking and tragic and sad? I was literally sitting there by myself going “This is so unfair! He saved the city!” He was a hero and he was basically shit on by everyone, just like Tywin’s horse shit right on the floor in the next scene (which was really icky but also a perfect intro to his character in that scene). I loved the scene with Shae and Tyrion where she just called him out and was like, “Oh boo hoo poor Tyrion, fuck your money.” I think she genuinely loves him, right? That has to be true or I can’t handle life anymore.

Moving on.

I don’t have much to say about Joffrey and Sansa. Clearly Sansa can’t go home since Winterfell is gone (MORE ON THAT LATER). I was hoping she would finally be free but I guess that’s not the case.

Theon. What an interesting character and great arc this season. His monologue about everyone telling him how lucky he should feel to be a prisoner was tragic and beautiful and a true insight into his character. I feel bad for him and can see where he’s coming from and how conflicted he is. Everyone from Pyke is an asshole. They burned Winterfell and they killed Maester Luwin (which made me go “NOOOOO!”).

Which leads me to: Bran and Rickon saying goodbye to Maester Luwin. Made me cry. So many feels. So sad.

Okay what’s next.

Daenerys finally found her fucking dragons! I’m so glad I don’t have to hear her say “Where are my dragons?” anymore because that shit got annoying. The scenes in the House of the Undying were great. The part where she went into the Throne Room and the snow was falling was, cinematically, one of the most beautiful shots of the episode. I KNEW she was going to find Khal Drogo! And how sad was that? While I know that it was not real and it was magic, was his spirit actually there? Was that like really him talking? I’m undecided on that but either way it wasn’t REAL real. And how badass and adorable were her dragons? That scene was awesome as well when the fire was shooting out behind her like Lady Gaga’s fire sparks bra. And then she showed she is a true Khaleesi and a queen when she punished Xaro and her handmaiden by locking them in that empty vault. Another question: Were all of his riches fake or were they not even REAL, as in magic? I couldn’t tell. Either way, I’m excited for Dany to cross the sea and make it back to Westeros.

Next up: Arya. I love her character so much. And I loved her exchange with Jaqen H’gar. And I was like, “WHAT? OH SHIT” when he changed his face. VERY intriguing and can’t wait to see where that’s going next season. Now when is she going to make out with Gendry because I ship that hard.

Brienne - another amazing female character. She kicked so much ass in this episode. I’m intrigued with where her story is going as well and I also don’t, like, completely hate Jaimie, which is wrong I know.

I was surprised that Robb Stark got married in this episode. God I love him, he’s so beautiful. I’m concerned for his safety next season. But it was a really sweet scene.

And, saving the best for last: Jon motherfucking Snow. Can I tell you that I KNEW he was going to have to execute Halfhand. I fucking knew it before even going into the episode. I love the exchanges between Jon and Ygritte; she’s so funny and I can’t wait for that love affair to start (we all know that’s what’s going to happen). So, while the Night’s Watch believe Mance Raydar is forming an army of Wildlings to march South and take over Westeros, I think he’s really uniting them to fight the Wight Walkers.

AND SPEAKING OF WHICH. HOLY SHIT. First, I almost died because Sam was in danger. But it looked like they left him alone right? RIGHT? I can’t handle it if Sam dies. And that was definitely the scariest scene of the show. That fucking zombie horse and the thing that was riding it with its blue eyes and spear and evil zombie warrior cry. I CANNOT WAIT FOR NEXT SEASON HOLY FUCK.

Okay, that’s it. Did I miss anyone? I think I covered everything. Oh yeah, Stannis. Don’t care about him.

last night I dreamt that I was having sex with Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman and it was the most amazing experience of my life.